I have so much to say about this New Year’s celebration but I am not in the mood to type, so I’ll just leave you this video (to some of you guys, I was speaking Filipino on this). Anyway, Happy New Year and Blessed be!

PS. I really have to start working on my artsy side. Remember when I promised to draw daily? Well, I stopped. Again. I will try my best to draw and hold on to this mojo. I swear.

Hi you guys! Here I am again posting another batch of nonsense photos (aka my face). Yesterday, I got some pretty gifts from out friend Miki. I cannot take photos at the moment because my camera’s battery is missing, dang! One of those items is my new favorite lipstain, Daredevil from NARS, I’m wearing it on the photo. So there, I will update soon and post new drawings and some other ‘nonsense’ posts.

Happy Holidays!

I’ll probably regret bleaching my hair tomorrow because now, it looks too orange/yellow and I think I bleached too much and it’s not even. Left side got most of the bleached hair. Meh! I also had to photoshop off the huge ass zit on my chin because it looks awful. And I’m wearing lipstick because I just feel like using it tonight.

Drawing update: I promised to myself that I will make at least 1-2 drawings a day and post it by the end of the week. This way, I get to practice and see improvements, hopefully! Hope you guys hang on there! :)

Before I got here in Singapore, I decided to go back to brown. But my love for hair dye came back and now I am back with light brown. Today I decided to bleach my hair (well, half of it) and now it’s rusty yellow. Take note, I dyed my hair twice already since last week. I used Palty hair bleach and i love the product. It made my hair softer, seriously. I was trying to do ombre, but meh~ I actually don’t care but I will do another round sometime til the end of the week. Also, I will dye Gee’s hair too! Yay yay!

I also got myself a hair iron for 20$ from Sasa instead of the one I was really planning to get which costs 60$, so yay for destroying my hair! :p

Here is how my hair evolved just this year:

I have been trying to draw these past week. I actually bought new materials so I can start drawing again but I don’t know, self-esteem is pretty low these days. I have been watching videos for inspiration like this one and it just frustrates me even more. Like, why can’t I do that? Why can’t I draw eyes and nose properly? Why can’t I get proper proportions anymore like I used to? Why can’t be just as good as my boyfriend or whoever artist out there? I am not really complaining, because I know I can draw. I’m just not contented with what I can do.

No forte, no distinct style. I can’t sing, I can’t dance. What does that make me? I can’t even call myself an artist. #whitegirlproblems Haha!

Anyway, I have posted my other drawings but these ones are the latest.

Okay, so what’s your point now? That’s just plainly stupid. From a selfish person’s point of view, why would I consider them? Why would I even care? What’s the whole point? It’s me, here we are talking about. Would it even matter if I think of them? Will my thoughts feed them? Will it make them feel better? Will it make ME feel better? No. I’ll be just attracting all these negative thoughts even more. A lose-lose situation right in front of my face!

Hey, I am a very selfish person. Self-centered, more even. It even comes to a point when I won’t care about other people at all. Hah! Okay, consider donating to charity. How sure are you that the money you send out reaches those people? With every charity group asking for donations, how sure are you that they are legit charity institutions? Again, lose-lose situation. I lose my money, the only money I have and they still suffer. Why would I give something I already have to people I wouldn’t even know if they’ll give my stuff to the ones who  need it more?

Why do I think like this? Well, yourself is all you’ve got. The more you are vulnerable to other’s situation, the bigger chance that you’ll get cheated on. With that, the more you’ll feel terrible. So why the hell would I care for others, when I can’t even take care of myself? This’d get negative reactions or whatever because most of you are hypocrites and won’t admit to yourselves that what I am saying is true.

Come on! How come there are still millions of people starving? Hah! Probably because there are a lot people who thinks like I do. Don’t hate on me and admit it, a lot of people are selfish, self-centered.  What a shame, right? Are you selfish?

This selfishness I am blabbering about is pointless. I am just thinking out loud.

Did you get my point? No? Bye.

It all comes to a point that a non-conformist conforms to a certain rule, to not to conform. I know, I am a self-proclaimed non-conformist but I am not living up to my name. It contradicts everything that I do. That I still do what everybody does. That I am this person who just goes to the flow (isn’t that what conformists do?), and still I call myself a non-conformist.

I want to be different. But what makes me different from others who want to be different? Among these people in this room, who does not conform? I wouldn’t know, for I am one of them.

I am a non-conformist who conforms.
So, what now?

I was shocked. He was young, about just as young as my brother. We were neighbors since we were kids. Okay, we’re really not that close. I was never really close with the kids in our neighborhood. I got to know him well, I mean them, about 4 years ago because of Pogs. He was this really funny boy who, whenever sees me online, would drop me a message calling me ‘panget’. Anyway, it’s just sad that he had to end everything that way. He could have just consulted his friends, but no, he kept it himself. Getting drunk and get crazy could have been a better choice but it’s his decision and that, for sure, is respected.

Niel, watch over your friends okay? Rest in peace, kiddo!